An evening with Mr. Wu and Mr. Hu

I was told about this banquet a whole two days in advance, so I knew not to wear trainers this time. The heads of the school would be at this banquet, so it was kind of a big deal. I arrived, with Tommy and Yang, to be greeted by absolutely no one! It was great, no awkward hand shakes, no awkward stares and no boiling hot tea thrust into my hand. Someone should really re-introduce China to China, all the tea is served in glasses without a handle, so if you haven't got a table anywhere near you there is no way to avoid getting your hands burnt.

Yeah, all the old men were gathered around the little table playing bridge and smoking. This place was by far the poshest place I've seen in China. The table was absolutely huge, red carpets leading the whole way to this room, one waitress for every two people and yet people were still spitting onto the floor! Dim parch de???

This was the night I got told about the shitty situation. So bad start. More people started arriving, then we sat down. I think I have a few photos actually:

The people. Me and two foreign students, one from Italy and one from the Dominican Republic along with their host families (which were common compared to the heads and teachers). One of the girls' father reminded me of a Chinese del boy. Then there was the head and the deputy head of the school, the head of international affairs, Tommy and Yang. 

Lots and lots of wine was drunk that evening, and of course you can't drink without being toasted. So it was a vicious circle: You get toasted, you drink, you both get a bit more drunk, the confidence level rises, more people get toasted, more people get drunk, more people get the confidence to toast the white girl etc etc etc. 

Now the toasts were something else on this night. Here's a few: To your beauty (bleurgh), to your eyes (yes I have 2), to your legs (yes I have 2), to your language (pal you've never heard me speak MY language), to your sexy name (mate, you call me Lewis-y)! Yeah, a few bottles of red and rice wine were drunk that night. 1) Because of the freaking toasts 2) To get over the embarrassment of being toasted and stared at by numerous old men 3) In the hope that I wouldn't remember this in the morning and 4) Because of the Chinese drinking etiquette (just a bit different to the gentleman's rules).

"Lift you're cup, dlink it up"; simple. You drink rice wine, every time the glass is lifted, it's got to be finished. You drink red wine, every time the glass is lifted, you drink half of the glass.

"Take a taxi": If somebody walks over to toast you, you have got to finish your drink, whether its red, white, rice, beer or milk. 

Many taxies were taken, many "ganbei"s turned into "bangei"'s (I was the only one who found this slip of the tounge hilarious, but then I was the only one who comes from a country where being gay isn't banned). After a few of these it took every single ounce of energy in my body to stop me shouting "Woohoo" when asked to toast Mr. Wu (deputy head) and Mr. Hu (head). 

I didn't think the alcohol had as much effect on me than the others (I was also the fattest person there, so rightly so), but by the end of the night I had accepted Mr. Woohoo's challenge of drinking a bottle of rice wine at the end of year banquet and to give my leaving speech in Mandarin at the same event (think I'm gonna need to finish a bottle to get through that!). 

The photos:

Tian, Lewis-y, Mr Wu and Mr. Hu

Dominican girl's host dad, Kiara (Dominican), Sara (Italian), Ming Li, Chavy mother, Del boy father.

Tommy, Yang, Tian, Liu-si (not deliberately trying to make a fine impersonation of an Asian person)

After the meal we all went home. Mr. Liang (international affairs guy) walked Yang and I back to my road, and offereed to drive us both around Tongling County to show us the sights. Nice bloke, kind offer. Doesn't speak English, so Yang was translating. Then he asked if he could take me out for food, I thought he meant with Yang and Tommy etc so I agreed. Was told later that he meant just me and him and he would pay for a translator! OUCH!!! Already agreed to this, I'm thinking WHAT THE HELL do I do??! There is no possible way of getting out of this without pissing him off, and seeing that I was in a shitty situation I kind of needed all the help he could get me. Oh god the feeling's come back just thinking about it! EEEEEEEK! Was dreading it the whole night and the following day until I had call from Yang just before I left, saying that the translator couldn't make it so she was going instead "I hop yhuu don't mind Lewis-y?", "Hell no!!"

Meal was good. Took us to some place which specialised in food from Guangdong, so really really delicate and detailed. Lots of different teas. He'd selected one which was good for fertility, just for me (geee thanks)!

A few more banquets since then. New foods (bearing in mind I'd never eaten duck or shrimp before arriving here): Pigs ear, pigs feet, eel, donkey, duck heart (valves included), duck blood, duck liver, duck head (the head's the "best" part of the duck, so they always give it to me, even after many "no, no I insist you have it, for your kindness"'s, they WILL NOT let me not eat it), lotus flower, shrimp, goose and more unidentifiable meat. and yellow wine (ticking off the colours as I go along). 

I'm bored of writing now. And again, cannot be bothered to read over it. Guaranteed I'll read over it tomorrow and be really gutted that I left something out. 

Coming soon: 

The medical check (BLOODY HELL)

KTV

Teaching (kind of why I'm out here so I suppose I should write a bit about it)

The stalkers; Jonathan and Frank

Super singles day

Still waiting for the white girl novelty to ware off. I'm sure they'll get bored soon. 

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